Monday, June 4, 2012

On giving up

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Sometimes I can't sing certain words in a worship song.  Last Sunday morning we sang:

I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned…
my soul Lord to You surrendered. 
All I am is Yours.  

I want that to be true of me. 

But does anyone but me have trouble singing those kinds of words?  (At least I do when I’m thinking about what I’m singing.  Last Sunday I realized I had been singing verse after verse of a song while thinking a bit disparagingly about the person sitting in front of me who was rubbing her husband’s neck in a not-very-churchy way.)

I choke on singing “I surrender all” knowing myself the way I do.  I know that I will most happily surrender wild and crazy living, which is not too much of a temptation for me, but will keep a firm grasp of my rights when it comes to giving my time to someone who may take up too much of it.  Surrender ALL

Sunday after we finished singing that worship song, our pastor took a minute to comment that those words ‘All I am is Yours’ are pretty serious – they’d better mean something when we sing them. 

So I’ve been asking myself, how can I sing them at all?  The only way is to admit how self-centered and self-protective I am and then to ask Him to help me surrender all.

Do you remember that little booklet “My Heart Christ’s Home”?   (Here it is for you to read if you’d like to – and you really should!)

It’s a parable about how our hearts are like a house and we invite Christ into each room, letting Him deal with whatever stuff He finds there.  And there’s something in each one that is hard to let Him see. 

But He’s such a kind Savior that He doesn’t bash down any walls I’ve put up.  Instead He’s gentle and loving as I invite Him to come in and have a look in my heart, my appetites, my thought life, my gifts and abilities.

He points out the things He knows I’m still hanging onto, still not really surrendering, still in captivity to.  And He helps me let go so that my life – all of it – becomes His.

So now I mutter a few extra words under my breath when I sing…

I want all I am to be Yours.
With Your help, I surrender all.

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