A Pharisee Revealed - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Plank Eye

I grew increasingly frustrated with people, especially those in places of authority, who I felt weren't doing their job the right way.  That should have been my first red flag.  I began to take pleasure (though I'd never have admitted it) in finding fault with teachers, ministry leaders and anyone else who 'let me down' by not living up to the standard I secretly set in my critical heart. 

One example:  I wrote a scathing letter to the dean of education at the university where I earned a degree, telling him that I thought the final exam for our program was basically a joke.  Of course I would never have had the nerve to tell him face to face - that way he couldn't defend himself or prove me wrong. 

Which brings me to an important truth about those of us who tend towards self-righteousness:  we can maintain control (very important) by devising a means of measuring and comparing that is completely up to us.  We make the rules.  And somehow, we always come out looking better than everybody else.  In our own tiny little hearts, at least.  We've put aside God's priorities of mercy and love because to face our own inadequacies and sin requires humility.  Real humility, not the kind you can pretend you have.

I'm glad there was never an illustrated sermon about what goes on in my mind and heart. 

How can you say to your brother,
'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,'
when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. 
Luke 6:42

I am an expert at detecting specks.  Finding fault.

I hate writing that.  I'd rather think of myself as loving and Christ-like.  I am not.

So the name for all of this judging and critical thinking is SIN.  And SIN has a way of separating you from God - 100% of the time.

I knew what I was doing, yet I felt helpless to change.  (Romans 7 - I could have written the part toward the end of the chapter.)  God put me in circumstance after circumstance after circumstance to get this thing dealt with.  But instead of recognizing what He was up to, I simply pointed to the unfair or difficult situations and found something wrong in someone else to focus on.

(I promise this story will get better... don't give up on me.)  



Check Jessica's blog where you can read some other good examples of how God is working faithfully to harvest lumber.

A Pharisee Revealed - Chapter 1

For the last several years, God has been answering a prayer of mine, prayed out of desperation: 

Help me know how much You love me. 

He is not answering it the way I thought He might, but as funny as it sounds, I knew He wouldn't.  I knew - when I began asking Him - that the answer to this prayer might shake me to the core.  I kind of worried about what I might have to face up to. 

I thought I'd share a bit of my journey - let's see if I can explain what a project I am.

Chapter 1 - The Rut (and Where it Leads)

I'm a rule-follower.  An affirmation-seeking, performance-oriented, check-things-off-my-list kind of girl.  I grew up without
I love you or I'm proud of who you are.  I don't say that as an excuse or to elicit pity - it's just the way it was. 

In the middle of junior high school, I discovered that the God I'd learned about in Sunday School was a personal God and that He wanted to be more than someone I prayed to on Sunday or if I needed something.  He wanted to take His place at the center of my life - the Master.  And I asked Him to come in.  I started reading my Living Bible and underlining it with different colored Flair markers and I began getting to know God. 

But without realizing it, I was starting off my relationship with Him in the same way I approached the rest of my life:  do these certain things and then you're good.  Look around and be sure you look as good or better than everybody else.  I had a very real desire to love Him and please Him - I was completely misguided in what that really meant.  I was also very busy controlling as many outcomes as I could.

So I got good grades and didn't get in trouble.  I never even toilet-papered anyone's house in high school because I was afraid of being caught.  I crouched on the floor of the back seat if someone parked near a teacher's house to 'decorate' his yard on the way home from Young Life.  One summer between high school and college, I stayed out until 4:00 am without calling home, talking in the car to my future husband.  (I know - it's pretty shocking.) And I think the only reason I didn't get in trouble was that my parents were so surprised that I'd do something so uncharacteristically bad.  

I stayed close to the top of my class in high school and college because I wanted to be one of the best.  While I never heard it, I knew my dad was proud of my 'status.'  

In the process of all of this 'achieving' and 'accomplishing,' there was a simmering rebellion growing on the inside.  And an ugly seed of pride taking deep root in me.  But as is usually the case with that particular condition, I didn't recognize it for what it was.


Click here to read chapter 2 and chapter 3 in this sad story.

M.I.A.

Life around here has taken priority over blogging and I still don't quite have my head above water.  I promise to get on here again soon!

In the meantime, here is what I'm not doing:

• previewing a dvd for bible study
• calling all the women in my small group
• ordering my girls' textbooks
  (WHY doesn't someone do something about the cost of textbooks?  Even used!)
• staking my overgrown tomatoes
• enjoying cut flowers from the yard
• going for a walk every evening
• memorizing the chunk of scripture I've been meaning to memorize
• calling a dear friend who wrote a hand-written note to me
• finishing The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency

There.  I hope I've made you feel better about yourself!

I'll end with a pic of my youngest taken this summer at Brightwood Ranch.

links

Blind Man

@Life Overseas

Getting close to those less fortunate really does
increase my gratitude.

What If

@I'm Just Saying

Are you dwelling on the right "What ifs?"

On Loving

@Linda's Patchwork Quilt

I loved this because it reminded me of my mom's
love for her granddaughters but also because I want to
really know how much God loves me.

God's Purpose or Mine?

@The TCM Blog

Oswald reminds me that God isn't as focused on the end as on the process.

And on a more serious note...

EZ Cracker

@Imparting Grace

Free gift included!

Route4Me

Have you seen this website?  Enter multiple destinations and it finds the optimal route 4 you!

Tim Hawkins - maybe he'll make you laugh too:

Copy Cat

Look kinda familiar?

I know that imitation is the best form of flattery so the fact that The Pioneer Woman - whose blog has something like 8 million followers and who appears on tv and who has another website, The Tasty Kitchen, devoted strictly to cooking and recipes - the fact that she felt the need to copy my blog idea last Monday and post a recipe for Raspberry Crisp is quite a compliment.

Or, it could be that she already has this recipe in a cookbook and is just kind enough to share it with her bazillion fans, including me.  I think you should try it out - I know I will. 

The Pioneer Woman's Raspberry Crisp. 

Ree's

Mine

The Today Show hasn't called me yet.  Nobody has! 

But just knowing that The Pioneer Woman reads my blog and gets her ideas here is enough for me. 

Yeah, right.

Raspberry Peach Crisp

Summer means fresh fruit - peaches, nectarines, melon, cherries and lots of berries!  Here's a recipe I put together to enjoy two of my summer favorites... Enjoy!

Raspberry Peach Crisp
Printable recipe here

3 c raspberries
2 c sliced peaches
1 c brown sugar
3/4 c rolled oats
3/4 c flour
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
6 Tbl butter

Toss together berries and peaches.  Spread evenly over bottom of a lightly buttered 2 qt. baking dish.  In medium bowl, combine sugar, flour, cinnamon and oats.  Using pastry blender, work butter into oat mixture until crumbly.  Spread over fruit, pressing down firmly.  Bake at 350° for 40-45 minutes or until top is lightly browned.  Cool slightly before serving.  Top with vanilla ice cream (homemade if you can!).  Serves 8.

Getting really good at... giving?

There are a lot of things I'd like to be really good at:

Encouraging.

Listening.

Writing.

Playing the piano.

But I haven't thought too much about being good at giving - until I came upon this verse.

But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.
2 Corinthians 8:7

What if I were to become an excellent giver? 

Actually look for ways to give.  Try to get really really good at it.

Wow.  You might not recognize me.

Here's the dictionary definition of excel:

To be or go beyond a limit or standard.
To be preeminent or to be at a level higher than others.
To be superior in performance, quality, or degree. 
To outdo in doing or performing.

Sounds a little competetive, doesn't it?  The thing about biblical giving is that it's done without others knowing.  So I think the one I'm trying to outdo here is myself.

What's my limit or standard?  Well, my tithe.  A few extra things we give to regularly.  But really not much beyond that.

That's not very difficult to improve on.

And not just with money.  I can also give time - which, I hate to admit, is almost harder for me to do.

So this is what I'd like to do - challenge myself to get good at this.  


The alternative is an ugly picture.

I'm picturing anything "under my mattress" that I can't take with me to heaven.  I don't know about you but I don't have a LOT of money.  But I've got a LOT more than most folks.  What am I hanging on to?  Why? 

One thing we're doing is sponsoring a little girl in Ethiopia whose family has nothing.  Her parents sell sticks for firewood to try to feed their children but it isn't enough.  For only $30 a month, your family can sponsor a child and absolutely change a life.  Here are a few of the kids who need sponsors:

Derartu
She is 7 years old.  Her mother died and her father left her to live with her grandmother, who has trouble providing food for her granddaughter.

Midaso

He is 8 years old.  His mother is dead and his father works as a guard but doesn't earn enough to send his son to school.

Durti

She is 5 years old and the middle of five children.  Her father is a missionary and struggles to support his family.

Sebona

He is 5 years old and one of five children.  His father works hard to provide for his family by selling firewood and helping farmers but it's not enough income to feed his children.

Alemitu

This little 4 year old girl lives with her parents and 3 siblings.  The family lives in extreme poverty as the parents are unable to find work enough to provide food.

If you would like to help any of these children, please send me an email at:

becky (at) adoptionministry (dot) net

Your monthly gift of $30 is income tax deductible and I'll send you a prayer card so you can involve your kids in the lives of a child across the globe.

It would be an excellent decision!