Saturday, June 11, 2011

Heard in 3rd grade

Teaching a classroom full of third graders who are already living the summer dream of sleeping in, bare feet and no work to do: 

Following lesson plans in math, language arts and history as a substitute teacher for those same kids:
forget it

I always hear so many funny things when I sub but Thursday was especially good.  Any excuse not to work was on the table.  During "seatwork time" I had a line of kids who had something critical to tell me.

Many asked if they could go see the nurse - it was a room full of sick and wounded children.  When I asked one inventive girl (who was clenching her teeth and gripping her wrist) why she needed medical attention, she said:

 Which, of course, prompted a chorus:

Did they think they were dealing with an amateur

"Sit down and get back to those contractions!"

Not to be deterred, a pair of friends approached the bench during math, arms draped over each other's shoulders.  Perhaps they thought they could appeal to my love of friendship and goodwill between all men.  

"Um... no.  How about repairing things at recess?  But nice try though!"

One brainiac little guy decided he might be able to distract me with his incredible recall of obscure factoids...

Of course I had to check this out and the kid is right for the most part.  It's actually Turkmenistan but hey, I give him an "A" for effort! 

When I got the call asking if I could sub, my first thought was, "Oh no.  It's the last week of school."  I came really close to saying no.  But then I pictured playing Heads Up Seven Up, Around The World and drawing summer vacation destinations.  When I found the teacher's lesson plans included very little fluff and that she wanted me to successfully impart division with remainders, estimation and possessive nouns, I knew what I was in for.

We may not have completed very much actual work but this substitute received an unexpected blessing.  A mother of one of the students apparently brings in one of these to this lucky teacher every single day:

So guess who got to sip a caramel macchiato while reigning in all of the exuberant end-of-the-year behavior?  Pretty nice bonus for an impossible task!

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